The Distance Between Impatience and Amnesia
There’s a predictable arc that happens in almost every meaningful change process.
It starts with urgency.
Someone wants a fast outcome.
They want relief.
They want momentum.
They want to feel different — now.
But underneath that urgency is often something quieter:
They don’t want to fully acknowledge why they’re where they are.
Not because they’re dishonest.
Because it’s uncomfortable.
Admitting the gap between where you are and where you want to be can feel like admitting failure. Or wasted time. Or regret. Or missed opportunities.
So the brain does something protective.
It focuses forward.
“How long will this take?”
“What’s the fastest way?”
“What’s the shortcut?”
“What’s the optimal plan?”
All reasonable questions.
But they’re often rooted in emotional avoidance more than strategy.
And the moment someone becomes willing to look backward with honesty — without shame — everything starts to change.
When Reality Feels Personal
I’ve seen lifelong smokers act like victims when their teeth start falling out.
And on one level — they are victims.
Addiction is powerful.
Habits are sticky.
Identity gets intertwined with behaviour.
But there’s another truth sitting beside that one:
They saw the warning label every time they bought a pack.
They sat through school presentations telling them not to smoke.
They heard the messaging for decades.
They had good role models who told them they don’t approve of smoking.
The outcome wasn’t random.
It was cumulative exposure to known risk.
That doesn’t make someone a bad person.
It makes them human.
But progress — whether quitting, repairing health, or preventing further damage — can’t start until reality is acknowledged without defensiveness.
Ownership isn’t punishment.
Ownership is leverage.
The Muscle Example Most People Miss
I see a similar pattern with joint pain.
Someone says:
“My knees hurt.”
“My back hurts.”
“My shoulders hurt.”
And when we dig deeper, there’s often a long history of avoiding activities that require strength.
They’ve prioritized stretching.
Mobility.
Gentle movement.
Low-load exercise.
All useful tools.
But muscle is what stabilizes joints.
When muscle declines, joint stress increases.
Sometimes the pain isn’t mysterious.
It’s structural.
And the moment someone reconnects with strength training — appropriately, gradually, safely — the narrative changes.
Not overnight.
But predictably.
They move better.
They feel stronger.
Confidence returns.
What looked like a random problem often turns out to be a missing input.
The Coffee That Changed Everything
One of the clearest examples I ever saw was a manager I worked with in a warehouse over a decade ago.
He drank multiple large triple-triples every day.
For anyone outside Canada, a triple-triple is coffee with:
3 cream
3 sugar
Each one is roughly 350–400 calories.
Multiple per day meant close to 1,000 calories coming from beverages alone.
And here’s the important part:
He was already active.
He worked in a warehouse.
On his feet.
Moving all day.
There was almost no realistic way he could out-exercise that intake.
Then one day something clicked.
He switched to black coffee.
Instantly — about 1,000 calories per day disappeared from his intake.
That’s not a small adjustment.
That’s a massive physiological shift.
And the fascinating part?
He didn’t need to overhaul his entire life.
As long as most of his meals were home-cooked — which they already were — the math started working in his favour.
The Identity Moment
Was switching to black coffee just about calories?
No.
It was an identity pivot.
He went from:
“This is just what I drink.”
To:
“I’m someone who doesn’t need this.”
Those moments are powerful.
Because once identity shifts, behaviour follows with less resistance.
The Movement Constraint Reality
What struck me most was this:
If a physically active warehouse worker couldn’t offset that caloric surplus with movement…
Most people can’t either.
With the exception of extremely high-movement jobs — like postal workers or certain extremely intense labour roles (like working with concrete) — the majority of the workforce simply doesn’t have the daily energy expenditure to compensate for large liquid calorie intake.
That’s not a motivation issue.
That’s physics.
Energy balance is still governed by chemistry, regardless of willpower.
And sometimes the solution isn’t doing more.
It’s removing something.
The First Shift: Ownership Without Shame
Real progress usually begins the moment someone can say:
“Okay. This is where I am. And this is what contributed to it.”
Not blame.
Not self-punishment.
Not catastrophizing.
Just clarity.
Psychologically, this is the transition from defensiveness to agency.
When people reach this point, their progress accelerates — not because the plan changed, but because their relationship with reality changed.
They stop negotiating with facts.
And facts are where leverage lives.
Then Something Interesting Happens
Months pass.
Sometimes years.
They build habits.
They get stronger.
Their body composition shifts.
They stabilize routines.
They become someone more capable.
And eventually…
They forget how far they’ve come.
Not intentionally.
Humans normalize improvement quickly.
This is called hedonic adaptation — the brain recalibrates “normal” after change.
The person who once struggled to walk 5 minutes now feels frustrated they can’t run faster.
The person who once had zero structure now feels behind because their routine isn’t perfect.
The person who once felt stuck now feels impatient again.
But this time for a different reason.
They’ve lost reference to the starting point.
The Danger of Amnesia
Forgetting your starting point creates two problems:
You underestimate your own progress.
You underestimate how hard change is for others.
Remembering restores contrast.
It reminds you:
You are not where you started.
And that matters.
The Irony of Growth
The same person who once wanted everything fast…
…later becomes the person who forgets how long change actually takes.
Both states are human.
Both are normal.
Both require awareness.
Early in the journey, you need compassion for how you got here.
Later in the journey, you need gratitude for how far you’ve come.
A Coaching Truth I See Constantly
The people who succeed long term are not the fastest starters.
They’re the people who:
Tell the truth about where they are
Stay long enough to see change happen
Periodically remember where they began
That combination creates resilience.
Not motivation.
Resilience.
And resilience is what carries outcomes across years — not weeks.
A Simple Reflection
Ask yourself two questions:
What was hard for me six months ago that feels easier now?
What do I do today that past-me would be proud of?
If you answer honestly, you’ll almost always see progress you’ve been discounting.
The Real Arc
Impatience → Ownership → Identity Shift → Consistency → Normalization → Amnesia → Reflection → Gratitude
And then the cycle repeats at a higher level.
That’s growth.
Not linear.
Not dramatic.
But real.
And most of the time…
It happens quietly.
Don’t bet against the quiet ones…