From Looking for a Role Model to Becoming One

There comes a point in life where we stop scanning the horizon for someone to show us the way—because suddenly, we realize it’s our turn to step forward. Not because we’re ready. Not because we have no role models in our life. Not because we feel qualified. But out of sheer necessity.

I want you to pause and think about this for yourself.

• When was the first time you realized no one else was going to step in, and it was you who had to become the role model?

• What did that moment feel like—empowering, terrifying, or maybe a mix of both?

We all come into life with certain role models already built in. Parents. Older siblings. Teachers. Coaches. The people who shaped our first sense of “this is how to be.”

But life doesn’t stay contained to those early circles. We step into workspaces our parents never worked in. Social spaces our family never knew. Industries, cultures, or communities that don’t come with a guidebook passed down at the dinner table.

In those moments, we instinctively look around—who here knows what they’re doing? Who can I quietly model myself after?

• Have you ever walked into a workplace, a classroom, or even a social circle and realized no one you grew up with could prepare you for it?

• When you searched for a role model in that space, who did you find—or did you realize there wasn’t anyone at all?

Sometimes we’re lucky, and someone shows us the ropes. Other times, there’s no one to imitate. That’s when necessity pushes us into becoming what we couldn’t find.

But here’s the twist: sometimes the very people you thought should be the role models turn out to be the ones who need you to be the role model.

• Have you ever noticed that—the people you expected to lead the way actually looking to you for guidance?

• What did it feel like to recognize that the “grown-ups in the room” weren’t as steady as you imagined—and that you had to be the steady one?

It’s jarring at first. Maybe it was a boss who clearly didn’t know how to handle a situation. Maybe it was a family member you always looked up to, who makes terrible decisions under pressure. Maybe it was a peer group where everyone was waiting for someone to go first—and that someone turned out to be you.

That’s when the truth hits: being a role model isn’t about titles, age, or perfection. It’s about being willing to show up with clarity when no one else will.

And then there’s the hardest realization: sometimes the person who claims they’ve “walked the path” is the one with the least self-control, the least discipline, the least resilience.

They present themselves as the model to follow—yet behind the curtain, they’re unraveling. They’re regressing faster than ever before.

• Have you ever experienced that? Someone you thought had it figured out turns out to be the most unstable of all?

• What did it teach you about who’s actually worth following?

It’s disappointing. Even disorienting. Because we all want to believe that those ahead of us have wisdom to pass down. But what happens when their words and their actions split apart? When they preach the path but don’t walk it?

That’s when you’re forced to decide: do I keep waiting for someone else to show me the way, or do I step forward and become the example I couldn’t find?

The role models we admired growing up were never perfect people. But they carried qualities that stuck with us—honesty, resilience, generosity, a refusal to quit when things got hard. They showed ways to get through life while maintaining health instead of getting through life at the cost of your health.

• Which of those qualities meant the most to you?

• Which ones are you carrying forward today, in your own way?

• And what new qualities are you shaping in yourself—ones your role models may never have modeled for you?

This shift—from searching for guidance to embodying it—isn’t a clean break. It’s more like stepping into a river you’ve been walking beside your whole life. The current is strong, but you already know the direction.

And while you might not feel ready, you’re already someone else’s role model—flawed, human, but also deeply needed.

-Chris